Here we go

To give some context to my blog I thought I tell you a little about me. I’m in my 30s and I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I live in London in a house that we own together and are currently trying to sell. Living with each other for a year after deciding to separate has been challenging. We were together for over 10 years, it felt at the point of separation that he was all I had ever known.

I think most of my fears in deciding that we should separate we’re selfishly around being left alone. My biggest fear is dying alone, i’m not sure where this irrational fear of being alone came from and God knows hundreds of hours of counciling haven’t done much to clarify that in my mind either but there we are.  We mutually decided that we couldn’t continue to be as deeply unhappy as we both were. We loved each other but we were no longer in love with each other. I’m sure Craig David put this way more ellequantly than I am……

After a month or so I started to think about the future. I was horrified when a friend told me that in the last year she had been on over 80 dates and only one had resulted in a second date. I thought she was joking but it turns out she wasn’t.  I thought to myself what does she do?! How hard can it be? Maybe she has super high standards? But after seven months of experiencing the minefield that is dating I can see where she’s coming from.

I’ve not even managed to make it to 10 dates yet but of the few that I’ve been on only a couple were a minor success. Hours and hours of swiping (mainly left) and all I’ve seemed to end up with is repetitive strain injury to my thumb, a dented ego and the realisation there are some bloody weird people out there. I decided to document my trials and tribulations for two reasons. The first is when I share my stories with friends they all laugh and say I should go into stand up and that ‘it could only happen to me’ I’m sure they are only laughing out of pity and the relief it’s not them! Once the initial shock of the date and often the rebuttals have worn off I do find myself laughing which leads to the second reason, maybe in 10 years time when I’m blissfully happy with the man of my dreams I’ll look back on this time and think all this effort and wasted make up was worth it!!


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