So you know you want to date but which app should you choose? Tinder, bumble, happen…… the list goes on and on. I had heard the most about tinder so excitedly downloaded it. Connect with Facebook it tells me, this is my first dilemma.  I deactivated my Facebook profile about a year ago. This was mainly based upon being fed up of seeing how blissfully happy all my friends were either having babies or being madly in love. Ironic that whenever I would meet with said friends the picture they painted in conversations was nothing like the one they were portraying on Facebook. I really didn’t want to enter the world of fake happiness again so created a new Facebook profile.  It turns out tinder is too clever because I have no friends in the new profile it wouldn’t create an account for me. Damn you tinder I just want to be able to date.

Next up is Bumble lots of my female friends have recommended this app based on the fact that women contact the men first.  App is downloaded and new Facebook account accepted. Now I have to choose six photos and write a bio. After activating the app and completing my profile I’m now ready to go. I spend the next hour swiping.

I quickly learn what I like and don’t like. Anyone with topless photo, strike, anyone with a photo with a tiger, strike.  I’m questioning how everyone on this app can be so damn attractive.  It’s not until later I realise that the algorithms push people to the front who are constantly swiped upon therefore if you have average looks you sink in the doldrums. Getting my first match it’s surprisingly exciting I hurriedly message the person. He never replies.  This is where I first encounter the dating rules. Apparently online dating is very different to the dating I did 11 years ago.  Once you’ve matched with someone apparently you’re not actually meant to message them. Well not straight away. Although you’ve both confirmed you find each other attractive it’s seemingly senseless to reply within the first 20 hours of matching because you look too keen.WTF?!?

I also install happen, this app is based upon people that you cross paths with.  I have to say I only lasted with this app for one day. I got way too freaked out at the amount of people I knew on the app ranging from neighbours to people I worked with. It all just seemed a little too creepy knowing how many times you had walked past the same person.

After several months of using bumble I decided to re-activate my Facebook account and shut everything down on it just so I can start using tinder. Shit just got real. I’ve now got my profile pictures and bio down to a T thanks to bumble. Swipe, swipe, swipe. Days and days of swiping. At home, on the train to work, in the office, on the train on the way home from work. Swipe, swipe, swipe. It’s insanely addictive. Match after match but once again very few people actually message.  Those that do often open up with the question so what are you looking for? I’m never quite sure how to answer this. Love, marriage and babies doesn’t seem quite the right response so I open up with dates and see where things go. Some people instantly delete my reply, it’s clear to see what they are after. On asking one person what he was up to that evening the reply I got was ‘Fucking you’. I’m amazed at the amount of people that are local to me that practically send me their address in the hope that I’ll just turn up. Do people actually do that. At least have a conversation with me first…….


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