Today as a rarity I decided to not eat my lunch at my desk and venture to one of our kitchens at work. I’m waiting for a colleague to join me when I overhear the following conversation.
Girl one: It’s so annoying, we had such a great time
Girl two: Stop looking at your phone
Girl one: But he has been online all morning AND he has read my message
Girl two: He won’t want you if your too keen
Girl three: It’s an unwritten law that guys take three days to get back to you
Girl one: (On the verge of tears) But why?
Girl two: You should just delete his number then you can’t keep checking up on him
I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. Although these girls are at least ten years younger than me it seems online dating has the same pitfalls and excruciating ‘rules’ no matter what generation you fall into. Most of these issues seem to stem from modern technology and the ability to track peoples every movement via messaging apps or social media.
Take me back to my BT Cellnet C12 mobile days where all you could do was send and receive messages and you had no idea if the other person had read the message or had been anywhere near their phone!
(My first mobile, I used this baby until the numbers had totally worn off the buttons)
I have countless friends who debate and debate over ever single word that has been written to them (or not in many cases) but as the book and film ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ show us if they aren’t texting/calling/making an effort to secure a next date within a reasonable time frame well sorry but you need to move on to the next.
So who made up these dating rules and why do we need to stick to them? Dr google brings up over 7 million hits for ‘rules of dating’ ranging from some I find myself to be in total agreement with and some I just think are utter rubbish. I think rules are outdated and all we need to use is common scene. Here are a few things I try and remember to keep me sane and guide me though online dating
All it takes is 5 minutes…..
Actually thirty-one percent of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide if you and your date have chemistry but personally I feel that I know within a few minutes.
Finding a partner can become like a full time job and will require time and energy.
If you want a long-term relationship, approach it with your goals in mind. Its going to take time. At the end of the day you are meeting a total stranger, you can’t expect to hit it off with everyone you meet and remember you are in control!
Honesty is the best policy.
Not enjoying your date? Tell them. You achieve nothing from being dishonest but remember to consider peoples feelings manners cost nothing.
Pay attention to whether there is a good balance in the conversation.
Do they dominate? Do you? Do they answer questions or avoid certain topics? Are you finding common interests?
Want sex? Have sex!
You are an adult, they are an adult. If you are both on the same page where is the harm in first date sex. As long as you both know where you stand no one will get hurt. I have plenty of friends who have slept with there now husbands on the first date. Wait until your ready by all means but if that’s night one just go for it. Just remember use common scene and stay safe, let a friend know where you are.
If you liked the person let them know you had a good time and want to see them again!
If you like someone whats wrong with telling them that? Maybe its my age and my belief that life is too short for playing games. Now don’t get me wrong i’m not telling the guys in question i’m picking out the white dress (been there, done that) but i’m grown enough to tell someone I’ve enjoyed their company and would like to see them again. If they get freaked out by this then they are not the one for me. Equally I’ve been upfront and told guys during the date that I have enjoyed meeting them but didn’t feel any chemistry. The archaic three day rule to contact someone needs to enter room 101 and never be let out again!
Do you have rules? Are there rules you want to break?