Advice I didn’t ask for

I’ve just returned from a wonderfully relaxing holiday in the hot Malaysian sunshine. Warm weather instantly puts me in a good mood.  I often dreamed of living in a warmer climate when I was younger but sadly when an opportunity presented itself I was unable to take it due to family illness and then when I had the chance again my husband didn’t want to move out of the UK.

Some people like action holidays, non-stop do do do. I guess because my job revolves around planning and scheduling and can be pretty stressful I like nothing more than planning nothing and relaxing by the pool, sunbathing, swimming, chatting to people from all over the world and shopping. If something arises that sounds like it would be an adventure I’m totally up for it, i’m no Lazy Daisy. Past holidays have included jungle trekking, canoeing, snorkeling, fishing and a particular highlight trekking mountains in Canada.

Another love is beauty treatments facials, scrubs, massages you name it. There is nothing like dating again to make you up your beauty regimes! I’ve been visiting this location since I was 19 and some of the people I know here feel like family. This closeness led to an interesting conversation one afternoon. It’s 5pm I’m lying on a massage table on the beach having a facial. Heaven. The wonderful lady who is giving me said massage hasn’t seen me for three years, she enquirers how my husband is, I tell her we have separated. She is upset to hear this, she liked him. Am I sure? Is there nothing I can do to fix things? I try to change the subject, I am here to enjoy myself after all…….

Towards the end of the facial she asks about my health and asks how old I am now. When I tell her I’m now 34 she replies ‘oh you’re so lucky you only look 25’ well that was a nice compliment, I’ll take that….. She  follows this with ‘you just need to go to the gym now’


‘You have a lovely face, very pretty but you should really go to the gym if you want a new man’.

I try not to take it too personally because I know she is a lovely lady who would never, ever wish to offend me but it got me thinking…..

Shit I had better join a gym.

I jest…..

I know that ultimately you need to fancy the person you are dating but looks fade, a great sense of humour does not. If only there was an app that wasn’t solely based on looks. One where you could add in extras about your personality traits and other things that show the kind of character you have without having to add it in to an ‘About me’ field and looking like a total twat.

Mine would probably go something like this….. kind, loyal, devoted to my family, generous with my time, always puts others before myself. I’d include point such as…. Does gardening for my 85-year-old neighbour who can no longer bend down.  Remembers family and friends birthdays and sends cards on time.  Buys gifts like they’re going out of fashion for my millions of unofficial nieces and nephews,  closely followed by travelling up and down the country to see said children and keep in contact with friends!  Treats everyone with respect and goes out out of my way to compliment people (try it, it not only makes the other person feel good, their reaction will make you feel good too) so on and so on.

When I think about the people I’ve gone out with only two of them are what you would call classically good looking. In fact when I first met my husband I thought he was an absolute idiot (he had peroxide blonde hair down to his shoulders). When I have been attracted to someone it’s more to do with can they make me laugh? Are they positive? Can their conversation stimulate me? Do they have a passion for life? That kind of thing is infectious. I want someone to raise me up even if they physically couldn’t lift me!

How do I get beach body ready? I put on a bikini and go to the beach! There is so much more to a person than looks. I am so much more than what my body looks like.

dear body


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