Detaching with love

I’ve recently started going to going to meetings to learn more about both my mums alcoholism and my habit of eating my feelings. I really wish I had known about Al Anon when I was a teenager. I really do think my life would have been very different. There is something very therapeutic about being able to tell a group of strangers how you are feeling and know that they wont judge you and have been where you have.

I’m a really open person but I wouldn’t tell my friends that upon waking I cried for two hours, didn’t get out of bed until 12pm as there just didn’t seem to be any point or that I haven’t had a proper meal for five days because I am feeling so overwhelmed with life right now. With the Overeaters Anonymous group I don’t think I have ever met such a kind and caring group of people. Everyday I have had phone calls from them checking that I am ok. It really helps me to believe there are good, kind people out there in the world.

One of the themes that keeps coming up in Al Anon is detaching with love.

detachment with love can apply whenever we have an emotional attachment to someone-family or friend, addicted or sober. The key is to stop being responsible for others and be responsible to them—and to ourselves

I had tried to do this once before with my mum but it didn’t quite work out so I’ve worked out the best I can do is create some boundaries I am going to adhere to revolving around contact with her which I can only hope she sticks to. I can also think of other people in my life who don’t nourish me and just leave me depleted so I’m going to apply this theory to them as well.

I’m learning so much from these groups even after just a couple of weeks. They really make you hold a mirror to yourself. It’s bloody hard to accept you don’t actually like much about yourself.

I was discussing this with my councilor today and she asked me to say one thing I liked about myself. It took me a while but I came up with being kind. I know I am a really kind person. She then pushed me to give her an example of something I liked about me personally rather than a character trait. I found this really hard. How insane is that?  She asked if I liked my nails, she liked the colour I had on this week. I agreed and said yes I like my nails.  It was an easy out phew!  35 years old and the best thing I can say about myself is that I like my nails. I think it’s probably wise to take some time out of dating while I work on myself. The adage that you can’t love someone unless you love yourself comes into play. It going to be hard to quit the swiping, chatting and abstain from no strings fun but if it helps me in the long run it will be worth it.

How much do you like yourself?

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