The best way out is always through

One night this week I got home from work just before 9pm. I was tired, the day had been long and stressful at times but I was glad to be home.  As I was working late my parents had been looking after my dogs and the house was eerily quite. My ex had been to…

Gratitude

As part of my OA programme suggestions I have to write down ten things each day that I am grateful for.  When I first started to do this I really struggled, I asked other fellows how they composed their lists and was told to think of everything I had that someone else might not. Running…

Hurt – The first heartbreak

Although this song has only just been released it transports me back to being 20 and being in an endless cycle of push and pull with my first love. I was totally besotted with this guy. He was the perfect boyfriend and honestly spoiled me for every man who followed. We went out for 2…

The pursuit of happiness

I’ve mentioned in previous posts my desire to feel happy and how i’m perplexed that this magic feeling has always seemed to allude me. Yes I’ve had moments of happiness but it has never seemed to stay with me.  I had a lovely evening watching Green Day in Hyde Park last weekend and a couple…

Detaching with love

I’ve recently started going to going to meetings to learn more about both my mums alcoholism and my habit of eating my feelings. I really wish I had known about Al Anon when I was a teenager. I really do think my life would have been very different. There is something very therapeutic about being…

Don’t stop till you get enough

How often would you want to have sex? Once a week, once a day, once a month?! I thought I had a pretty normal sex drive but when a third guy commented that he couldn’t keep up with me I realised maybe it was higher than other women.  I had just assumed that twice a…

Tears of a clown

It’s safe to say I’ve spent an inordant amount of time crying over the last few years.  Quite frankly I’m bored of it.  I used to cry and cry asking why can’t I just be happy.  Why can everyone else feel this magical feeling but me.  I chased things thinking once I’d ticked the thing…

Not like the movies

I can remember the exact moment I knew my marriage was over. I was at a friends wedding in October 2015, the happy couple had just taken to the floor for their first dance. As I stood on a balcony watching them hand in hand, so very much in love, I cried.  I loved my…

Relapse

I’d describe the last couple of weeks as a perfect storm.  One by one things have happened that lead to me going slightly crazy one night this week and having a bad panic attack.  I messaged my councilor the following morning to schedule in an extra appointment as I knew I needed someone to tell…

Irritation

I woke up in super crappy mood today. I’ve had a great weekend and have no reason to feel rubbish but I can only think the issues I’ve been dealing with throughout the week have affected me more than I’ve realised. I’ve finally started divorce proceeding, sitting with a solicitor talking about why your marriage…

Men on the brain

This week has been another super fun week, I’ve also found the most amazing flat I want to buy which I am cosmic ordering and manifesting to become mine (come on universe!!) I often find when one thing starts to work out in my life something else starts to go awry. My despair at having awful date…

When you realise it’s all going to be alright in the end

This time last week I was feeling pretty low. Having the ex finally move out of our house suddenly made splitting up a reality and despite being the instigator and wanting this to happen for over a year I was thrown into a world of self doubt again. After giving myself a stern talking to…